not down here

between the devil and the deep blue sea

2011-11-07T23:22:00.004-06:00

i was superstitious once. it was late, i couldn't see.
i slipped myself something
a little hot something
now i crack bones and hands like so many binder clips.

i don't like running my bare feet over painted floorboards
warped with spilled beer and careless staggered fingerprints.
i don't like fingerprints.

running down the pull string you left hanging
the knob and tube tightening the brown softwoods in my craggy attic.
i hit my head on it again.

you can touch all the corners
and never make a square.
i know.
i watched you.

i'd give you back two fingers if you'd shake my hand.
but that wealth
is out the window and down the street .

touch nothing and remain
as empty as the eyes you throw at me.
and i'll still ask you to look.

i'll still turn out the light.

ID [old]

2011-08-04T00:04:00.002-05:00

world rolls sticky facts and sad forlorn drifting thoughts.
headaches brew lack of thought
tired ineffective action translates into ineffectual, disconnected misrepresented moments.
lost moments cannot be stitched together.
if you don't know who you are, you can't see the world happening to you.
headaches aside, you will untether and fail to see the smiles and snuggles and opportunity of daily life.
wake up!
a million little gods, wake up and know yourself!

the unknowable you

2011-05-16T16:12:00.007-05:00

Life is the greatest tragedy. But let's get back to this in a moment.

I spend many days looking into my head, as if I had eyes in the back of my eyeballs. Beyond the blue-red lace that connects the visual to the cerebral, I see more than stars. If I look hard enough, reach deep enough into the mush and tumble of my bumbling brain, I find everything ever.

This should hardly be a surprise. Everything I have ever heard, said, or thought is bouncing around in there somewhere, but these facts and memories are tangled up with the sharpest (and physically weakest) recording I have - that of my eyes. And with this jumbled, transmuted data I build expansive places I cannot begin to express to anyone. But maybe I should start.

The finest point of human civilization has to be communication - the ability to agree on a common meaning for visual and aural expression. But this understanding is rooted in each individual experience, and as such cannot begin to arrive at a precise meeting point. Somewhere at the intersection of communication and observation is where my imagination begins and ends. And a crucial part of my imagination is my understanding of place, specifically the place I am and the place I dream about.

In communicating this very dynamic, fluid place that exists in my head, I help create hundreds of new, unknowable places in the imaginations of others. For example, I take my physical experience of Petrin Park in Prague, and I blend in my love for and intense knowledge of Kansas City, along with my appreciation for complicated, impossible Lebbeus Woods type constructions and Terry Gilliam fantasy dystopias, and populate it with people I have known, pretended to know, or generated to fill in some dream narrative gap that I still don't understand. And this place is very real to me - at least, it is to that bumbling brain behind my eyes. But each description I offer of it will only draw on someone else's understanding and observations of such things as Kansas City, Terry Gilliam, industrial decay, and civic majesty. I find this fascinating - that a place so tangible to me becomes something else each time I describe it.

So how do I communicate it? Do I write stories about the inhabitants? Do I draw rough sketches of it? Do I create maps and a history and a development pattern for it?

I want to do all of these things. But that is part of the tragic nature of life - the undefinable, unknowable, and ultimately beautiful nature of each mind - of each person's observations and understanding of the world around them. Even if I share everything, down to the last imagined detail, I will never know how others experience this place. And I don't think I want to, either. The electric point where individuals communicate, understand, yet cannot inhabit each other - that is the beautiful, tragic moment.

my kansas city

2011-04-23T00:48:00.001-05:00

i'm imagining a city that embraces the craggy bluffs and menacing rivers, as opposed to gradually sliding southwest into the dim ache of unchallenging and slightly bucolic meadows.

a dream without structure

2011-04-06T23:24:00.000-05:00

usul & the hamster

smaller hamster

mice colored like usul

action sequence depicting escape

avoiding knife slashes and swinging down to the ground from a cage

running through a ruined warehouse building, similar to west bottoms

dead ends

realizing we are filming a movie

somewhere in KCK

hispanic neighborhood with giant old warehouses and packing plants

not armoudale, somewhere west on the hill

friends and i making movie

we release multiple crazy young people from an asylum to help with the movie

most are girls, a couple are guys

one of the guys looks like jason schwartzmann, more severe and wearing a pristine white bathrobe, despite the fact he is in a damp, moody cell

the girls were covered in mud and sang in haunting voices

they assisted with the making of the film, but there was a strange gloom about

cast members started turning up dead

one of the ghost crazy people kissed me

i felt infected

in a shopping mall, top floor, by an escalator and atrium. large group of people watching someone in a shop shooting targets with a shotgun.

one of the kids i'm with places a flashlight thingy on the glass and distracts the man shooting targets, making him miss and making him angry

he comes out to beat us up, and catches hold of me and spins me around until i fly right out of the mall...

movie is complete and i'm back in the warehouse area, trying to climb a rock wall and i end up in mexico, a very emerald green (scottish countryside) mexico...

the crazy bathrobe guy shows up with a knife and chases me around until my new mexican friends save me.

the police show up but i hide and pretend to be mexican and get to stay in this strange, industrial relic...

laconic, lonely faced sounds

2011-04-06T09:14:00.013-05:00

you, quickly, haphazardly sharing your lack of balance, your crashing will silently shrill in the swelling day-old desire to mate. I eat mountains. I cannot see the top of the valley or the place where you begin. wandering sighs cannot amount to much so why am I so full? where did this sudden voice come from, this deep throated, rich laugh cutting across my grey skied, blue veined morning? these ships are sated, are casually staffed and silently run aground, engorged in the taking, yet mastless in a heavy wind - what could they take from me? I balance rocks on tideless dunes as filmy sea turtles slip into their swelling, crashing, ancient potential. you slowly, cautiously concentrating your senses, foaming your feet in the gloaming moments before you fall.

this expansive silence

2011-03-22T10:33:00.004-05:00

i don't wait, that would be a lie.
i rarely sit still, however. my hands are busy with time, with action and blind-sided forward motion.
i scrape deep, not blindly but with an addled purpose.
a sort of half-aware illumination,
dimly present amongst the slag draining to daylight.
maybe i shouldn't say it like that.
maybe i should belt out some dead hymn to glory, or scratch a sad prosaic missive, or document the regularities of today like so many facts, unheeded.
but i don't wait. this quiet is not a stillness, and my direction is without form.
formless, I don't wait.

the expansiveness of now is overwhelming, therefore i dither in the details of the day, such as the caloric content of raisin bran or the likelihood of another frost.
you see, this sustains me.
and yet there is something in the fluid moment of spring, now sprung, when the gray air clears and green becomes a color once again.
when dirt loses its snowmelt and becomes a basepath again, a garden row, an empty lot.

i recommend the moving stillness, the expansive silence, the breathless maw.
here i have found it once again.

autodidact

2011-01-25T11:07:00.002-06:00

i can't learn what i cannot teach.

but i can taste the sunshine of today, and it is brittle and new in this snow clouded landscape

simple sounds

2011-01-10T19:17:00.006-06:00

newly built soon-to-be ruins
plaster themselves faintly to the ground,
sliding into frost lines and
bedrock.
she thinks softly,
sleeping with the music,
rolling down the hill
into the city.
he looks,
with his collection of arms
and legs,
his rings laid out on the dashboard.
he drives,
the boy keeping time in his
pocket.

syntax and spinning wax

2011-01-06T13:43:00.004-06:00

a handsome man once wrote

"dry bones harm no-one"

but this man is now dead.

pale light sharpens the pencil

in my head

and my hands blend graphite with skin.

i can't begin to answer the question

of life

or even if i should lace my shoes

this way or that.

i can't finish asking the question

that i will always ask, in one way or another.

potential remains a four-letter word, and i smile through the thick soupy haze of my time.

and i desperately, completely love the potential of now as i try on my skin once more.

patron saint of shipwrecks

2011-01-04T13:14:00.003-06:00

unlit lamps of merchants
tainted hands of medics
sated minds of pedants
patron saint of shipwrecks

2011-01-03T15:59:00.001-06:00

eff.

2010-08-11T09:38:00.004-05:00

is it a tone, a color, a thought, a whisper?

I really don't think I can find the words, as words crumble under the weight of my me. but my me is as light as a feather - how strong are my words, then?

anyway, enough of this flim flam. i think a rainy day such as today calls for a large mug of hot chocolate, some marshmellows, a purring orange cat, and Willie Bobo on the hi fi.

first, however, this thing called work.

i think so

2010-06-29T09:44:00.002-05:00

Hello, dear friend. It has been a few weeks. My neglect as summer launches into full gear has become palpable. As we approach the Aphelion, my favorite day of the year, when the Earth is furthest from the sun (July 6 at 6:00 CST this year) I find myself with less and less time to devote to the ordering of daily life. But, my fair bloggy blog, I have not forgotten about you.

At the moment I have nothing to share, except for my current enthusiasm for World Cup and my very current (as in right now) repeated listening of Radio Friendly Unit Shifter by Nirvana. I will attempt to be more present in this space over the remainder of the summer, but for now I leave you with this thought - "life's a garden - dig it."

dinner with the garden

2010-06-07T15:07:00.005-05:00

Tonight I will be making a homemade soup with vegetables from my garden. I will possibly add some spices and oils that do not come from the garden, but otherwise everything will be fresh. Anna is going out to see Sex and the City 2 with the ladies - so it's hearty soup and videogames for me tonight.

I thought I would post photos of my process here on my blog...

I pulled up some early potatoes, to see how the crop was doing. I think I'll leave the rest in the ground for awhile.

Cut down some more broccoli, pulled the last carrot, and grabbed some tiny onions. The next crop of carrots was direct sown as opposed to transplanted in peat pots, so maybe they won't be so compacted.

A few more snap peas from my pea factory. I seem to get about 5 fresh ones a day....

A bunch of kale - and there is still tons more in the ground. If I have a lot of anything, its greens - I average a salad a day from the garden.

I made stock from plant parts from my garden that are too tough to eat - the only non garden thing I've added is some pepper, salt, paprika, and oil. I added some rosemary and basil to the rolling water as well, and as you can see, the kale has been lightly sauteed.

Soups on!

alluvion

2010-06-02T14:25:00.009-05:00

i've given up on the color orange

and the affected application of color-by-number.

i've come to believe in looking through the concrete countertop and the dusty old poplar tree to the google sky map beyond.

i've fallen in love again with blue, with thoughts wrapped in particles and ions, with downbeat unthoughts.

come, listen to my day. it's all right here....

sir, I cannot drive fifty-five!

2010-05-27T09:43:00.011-05:00

I am inspired today to list the cars I have driven in my life, and to show photos I find on the 'nets of similar vehicles.

Shall we begin?

March 1994-August 1995

1975 4 door silver Chevrolet Impala with a

bout 120,000 miles on it at the time. I had my first accident in this car... and my first speeding ticket. Not to mention some great make-out sessions on the bench seat in the front.

August 1995-October 1995

4 4 door champagne colored Buick Century Ltd. This car did not last long. No accidents or break-ins. It just simply died.

October 1995-July 1996

1984 2 door gray Ford Tempo - this was my first manual transmission car. I sold it and went carless in college. No accidents or break-ins, except for the time Russ and I tried to tow it for fun in the AMC Ward Parkway parking lot and noone was in it to operate the brakes... oops!

September 2000-August 2002

1988 2 door white Oldsmobile Cutlass Calais - first car after a four year hiatus from driving. This vehicle had epic issues that I would love to delve into, possibly in a future post. No accidents, but this car was broken into twice - first time outside of Mike's Tavern at 54th and Troost, and 2nd time at my apartment at 40th and Charlotte.

August 2002-August 2005

2000 2 door red Ford Escort ZX2. This was my first and only car loan, and it was a terrible mistake. This car, while the most reliable, was also the least appropriate for me. However it was good for road trips and made it outside of the metropolitan area while under my care, which is more than I can so for most of the other cars I've had. It met an untimely demise in a flash flood event on SW Boulevard, leading to a 2 month break from driving. This car was also hit and run on (I never found out who did it) and backed into by someone in the Chipotle parking lot on 39th street. It was also broken into twice - once at my apartment at 11th and Hickory, and once when left overnight at 18th and Washington.

October 2005-June 2009

1994 4 door silver Volkswagen Golf III. This is my first foreign car and my favorite car - not only for its compactness for in-city driving, but also for its price and how long it lasted. In fact, I only sold it because I realized I had only driven it about 15,000 miles in 3 1/2 years. I left the doors unlocked and it was never molested, except for once when a drunken bum slept in it at my apartment at 16th and Walnut.

lower case adornment

2010-05-26T10:07:00.002-05:00

So I thought I'd share what I can remember of my dream last night...

In my dream, I was meeting friends at a restaurant in a district that was supposed to be midtown Kansas City, but was more reminiscent of a scatological combination of the intersection of Broadway, 8th, and Roebling in Brooklyn and the stretch of Broadway outside of Waldo Pizza in Kansas City....

The restaurant had been a trendy, dark wood, angular lounge that served tapas or gourmet burgers, with quality tap beers and effective, moody lighting and most likely Morphine on the stereo. However, when I was there it seemed as if the previous owner had sold it to an ineffectual, trashy lady who chain smoked and served up powdered cheese tacos. They had covered all of the rich wood floors with patchy astroturf, and the tables were reclaimed winstead's booths crowded into a corner, leaving a large open area in the front with no apparent purpose.

I arrived ostensibly to celebrate my sister's birthday, and I smashed myself awkwardly into a seat near many of my smiling friends. For some reason one of my friends was fumbling around with objects on the table and decided to push the table up - I don't know how this happened, but the table flipped over my head and pivoted on my face. It was quite painful, even for a dream, and I was immediately very irate. I threw the table off of my face and began to berate my friend, but I quickly calmed down and immediately apologized for my outburst, even though it was clearly warranted. The general mirth of the place had subsided as a result and slowly people left as I waited patiently for my order of powdered tacos, until I was alone as they were delivered to my table.

I ate the tacos in silence and then rose to leave, noticing that the place was ready to close down. As I got to the door I saw a couple of my watercolors hanging from the doorknob - a small bit of color in this otherwise sweat stained, smoke filled shithole. I excitedly went to the owner, explaining to her how I had placed those on the doorknob back when the restaurant was a trendy, popular location, and how I was very surprised that they were still around. She didn't seem to particularly care, so I left and took the watercolors with me.

There were many other parts and pieces to this strange, silly dream, but I don't remember them clearly enough to create a narrative. Sometimes after a dream I'll summarize what I remember in a list of points. This is a fine way to reconstruct things and to see just how fertile this space is between my ears.

Of course, I also enjoy naps. Very much so.

your laugh laughing laugh

2010-05-24T13:50:00.002-05:00

Good day to you, fine recorder of thoughts. I have been grossly negligent with you for some time. Oddly, what has reminded me of your existence (and my desire to revisit you) is the half hearted version of The Eagles "Heartache Tonight" that is perpetually on repeat in my head. I shall try to make it up to you, by once again recording my thoughts on urban ecology by way of Kansas City, scrambled musings on matters of the heart and life, and pretentious quotation of lyrics. I cannot wait!

slow down, you're moving too fast...

2010-04-25T18:44:00.003-05:00

this is where i have ended.
on the brown side of the river,
washing scratch rust along my calves,
my forearms.
no warning,
no time to think.
dirt compounding itself,
like so many chords,
haphazardly strung in a minor key.
like dirty rain,
bottled in the spring,
for each pale yellow lightning streak,
calling the lover to mate.

reverie

2010-04-15T16:37:00.003-05:00

reedless piano wire loosened by disuse,
echoing flatly against driftwood stained with rust.
you see the marks that were left,
scored lightly, yet permanently, across my hands,
before i even fathomed their use.
my notes scour the dry air tonelessly,
a blanket of heavy thought and light smiles,
and time.
me, my me,
twining through an endless springtime reverie,
a soft braiding of soundless beauty and dusty readymades,
your music and my words,
my words.

Demoro Bruzer

2010-04-01T11:45:00.003-05:00

Sunlight casts doubt on the voracity of today - I much prefer porous, filtering clouds and a littered crispness. Now don't get me wrong - I appreciate the positive vitamin impact of a sunny day. But there is something about early spring, when the mornings are cool and the evenings foggy, when the fecund thunderstorms gather speed across the great decline of Kansas into our fair metropolis. The air is heavy with vitality and explodes like an inverted wellspring of virile love - a visceral drowning in the very stuff of life.

Sunlight is welcome, but first I want to get my feet wet.

The North End; Addendum #1

2010-03-24T14:27:00.033-05:00

The North End was highlighted in an aerial photo in a previous post. Here is a close up look at some of the buildings demolished for our ambitious highway and parking lot program on the north side of our city. The Today images include a link to a Google maps placemark to demonstrate the approximate area. The Today images are approximate in their location - maybe eventually I can shoot some high quality photos in the exact same location as the historic ones, and tie it together with a map diagram.

545-553 Delaware:

Today

*****

Delaware north from 7th Street:

Today

*****

Sixth & Main looking West:

Today

*****

Walnut north from 7th street (view from Midland Hotel)

Today

*****

Northeast corner of Walnut and Sixth Street:

Today

*****

SE corner of Walnut and Seventh

Today

*****

Walnut & Missouri - this one was demolished in the late 1980s

Today

*****

9th and Main looking north

Today

The North End

2010-03-22T11:09:00.008-05:00

The North End (river market/quay/little italy/old town) and Central Business District in 1940.

Luckily urban renewal came along and removed most of this density for the lovely 2 block wide interstate highway and blocks upon blocks of surface parking that make our downtown such an accessible place today.

Just look at all of the lovely development that has found its way into the heart of our city! The blue highlights indicate buildings that were leveled and replaced with either empty lots, parking lots, or interstate highways and off/on ramps. The yellow indicates buildings that were replaced with newer construction. The blue / yellow ratio seems to favor blue, eh?

This last image is included to orient the viewer, with a clear demarcation of I-70's location. This aerial shot is looking south from roughly 5th street in the North End at the area that used to tie this part of our fair city seamlessly into the central business district. The view is roughly from Oak/Grand in the east to Baltimore in the west... and is only a fraction of the renewal we have enjoyed since world war 2. The delirious and unprecedented access to downtown allowed by all of this "breathing space" didn't seem to aid the city in retaining even a fraction of its business population, instead draining a great urban center and reducing it to one of the many regional employment centers focused on the automobile and vast amounts of available parking.

But if you are reading this, you probably already know this....

2010-03-18T23:14:00.001-05:00

I don't normally post things like this, but I found this to be quite beautiful. I can't speak to the music, but the photography is excellent and makes my heart beat a little stronger for Kan City...

hd aerial video of kansas city shot on red one camera from helicopter from isaac alongi on Vimeo.

an uncommon filament

2010-03-16T09:31:00.004-05:00

like a silver strand
holding a soul to the earth,
a thought to the mind,
a dampened spring day to the heart.

this filament,
intricate in its forging
and light in its application
almost invisible to the eye and intangible to the touch
more of a thought than a thing,
this filament.

i can't pretend to describe it in any specific detail,
or even understand it beyond its purported existence.
but i can say that it is loosely related to the inverse of time
and experience
and it binds us all together.

dryrot and knots

2010-03-15T16:20:00.003-05:00

and slipping thoughts
twisting through slivers of sand and permafrost blues...

i have gotten used to the notion
of tomorrow
of blue skies and blackbirds
and long summer days
and kites chasing clouds
but those days tend to be tomorrow
and here, now,
we climb long flights of stairs to grey ceilinged overcast heights
perched above everything yet somehow smothered
by the pressing reality of now.

and now, like tomorrow, always will be,
whether today is blue or not,
whether the grass is fresh or not,
whether there are holes in my socks or shiny boat shoes on my feet.

one ceiling tile too many

2010-03-02T20:32:00.003-06:00

i sit, squarely, obliquely,
unable to conjure up the languid lucidity i rely on.
lights arc and hum silently, brightly,
caressing my head heavily above me.
my joints crack, slightly, thinly,
stretching like dormant roots towards water.

the carpet is burnt, the desks are flat, the cabinets are dark, the sound is static and the windows only reflect everything around me.
i tell you this, all of this, because i am tired and long for the azimuth of spring, for the silver angle of moonlight on fresh cut grass, for the brisk wind of budding trees and honeybees.

yep, I've got spring fever....

el's from the past

2010-02-01T21:53:00.002-06:00

lucid lithe literal longing for litterless streets,

and little green apples.

leftover limp lingering loose ends for languid mouths,

and lantern yellow smiles.

leaping life likening limbs to liberal beats,

and libertine handshakes.

lastly lonely livid levity for limber brows,

and lewd brown eyes.

time reverberates so fine

2010-01-15T10:21:00.003-06:00

seven three times cold

sunday smiles stretch (so bold)

she would dance

if she could

if her hands weren't locked at her knees.

if her feet weren't planted in threes

and her face wasn't plied with freeze

you see

she can't move her iron weighted waist

and lead covered calves

littering the drought of her time

with no sign or symbol or sound.

it all comes around.

shoes tying knots

2010-01-14T17:29:00.003-06:00

lamps languidly loving lyrical lines

climbing vines

singing rhymes

and blindly scraping the bottom of the barrel.

light wasn't meant to be so bright,

and all reflections perish in opacity at some point,

along some line

lyrical or not.

this song isn't worth singing

if you can't find the time to tie your shoes

but then again

who's counting?

some may beg for structure and sadness

and others cry for a false aesthetic

an expression that expresses nothing

save self-doubt.

i don't think there is an answer

but the questions are worth the asking

and if the light sears our eyes shut,

like a caustic cauterizing soldering iron,

it is likely we can still perceive through the effete membrane

the progeny of our mind.

my uncanny ability

to loudly search for nothing

and end up with something.

ascent

2010-01-13T13:16:00.001-06:00

wednes

2009-12-21T10:32:00.007-06:00

day

city

2009-12-21T00:04:00.002-06:00

watercolor #14

2009-12-17T21:17:00.003-06:00

thursday morning railroad dream blues

2009-12-17T20:58:00.002-06:00

waking sideways and OUT
up and towards the fine sand of the morning crunching
in my veins rolling down your shoulders and out some opening
forgotten for a number of years
do you remember?
when the streetlights come on
and night moves faster
we run towards something
that usually ends in a sunrise
soft songs from the east,
pitter,
patter,
slip dripping over rooftops and through velvety skin.
these songs,
like sounds,
blanket the world in crisp stillness,
an overactive underachieving smile
when the streetlights come on.
do you remember?
when your baby teeth fall out
and under your pillow
and age becomes dynamic
floating life aside
grasping at shoestrings and turning life into dreams
and non-committal statements in April,
vague comments about dreams,
seem almost tangible in the sweet spring rain.
waking again this time down
and out of bed to send two feet and two shoes down to the city below
the valleys of limestone and brick fastened with rusted metal
and green brown piles of life and refuse
where someone used to dream of making it
OUT
and i move in
to meet you halfway
somewhere where the pavement smacks of metal
and the sidewalk is losing to the tree
somewhere where the color is older than me
and the car is younger than you
there we meet
......

like when i first smelled you...

2009-12-15T18:09:00.002-06:00

Like when I first smelled you.
It was spring,
Late,
I was brown.

I wonder, my love,
When time stopped.
When I became too unlike myself
To breathe.
I wonder, sometimes,
When I slipped,
When I fell sideways into glass
Into trees stripped of glory
And littered sand.
When I danced clumsily
Around my me and your you
Not looking, not seeing the place
I began.
I can’t say, this place is to constricting,
This sound is too unnerving.
I have told myself too often
I have nothing to say.

Me, still, boy, tired, alive,
Waiting.

I wonder in this grain induced stillness
This distilled lively timeless
This sloppy loveless endless
This dreamy punchy endness.

I’ve got words, you see, plenty of them,
Words for Tuesday,
Words for you to say,
So opaque I feel like scratching.

Like a hen,
Maybe,
Like a scab,
Yeah,
Like now,
Turning it out.
This is too abstract to come to anything,
Description losing itself
In the light of morning.
I’m going to continue.
Like a quilt, like this and that rolled into one.

When will I learn something new?
Why do I still sing into emptiness?
Why do I bother with questions
I’ve been asking since before you remember?

It’s the same story, inside,
Dance, sing,
Outside, laugh, drink.
Ahh the time, the basic mess of it all.
The now in my me.

And there’s always more.

something from the year 2005...

2009-12-07T15:33:00.001-06:00

part 2

"sea nymphs limp placidly across vacant dreams",
a song some refuse to sing...
a word you might play,
strung across your time.
bending coils snap at our backs,
just as regret
is a forgettable four letter word.
bipolar instant- each side collects words for old ears.
and you smile like god is on your side,
like the secret in your pipe is as good as mine.
who am i to ask this question,
water rising higher along my shins,
bearing around the break in the bent window behind,
like a thousand untouched waterfalls
silently carving my space.
what is the question to be asked?
is grey really a color?
did you see my heart?

in all late siberian skies
never have i heard such a sigh.

i am no sunshine today.
and you,
with that rattling laugh,
red tugging at the corners of your throat-
forgive the heavy sky ceiling,
and the blue tones of green.
remember to touch what is around you,
to look beyond the cracked leaves,
and the asphalt over the creek...

i leave it up to you.
to answer the question.

i leave.

limpid drops of cold water

2009-12-06T22:39:00.003-06:00

silver and soft i wait
turning this way and that
listening listlessly for a moment
when being becomes stretched like dried fruits
and skins
and sticks
over dusty rocks and under gossamer skies

sublimation, chemically speaking

2009-11-18T10:28:00.006-06:00

a cloud briefly passed before my eyes
before I could touch its vaporous density
I was enthralled by its shimmering light
dancing lightly from molecule to molecule.

the things I can grasp flash into mists
as the things I can only fathom substantiate in front of me

the beginning is the end, for in the doing the thing is done.
and if each end signals a beginning, I fathom that a solid state is but a dream
and dreams are rooted firmly in the soil in my hands.

november among us

2009-11-15T18:28:00.002-06:00

cold rain slips from the grey sky.

November is here, finally, and I am enjoying the simple pleasure involved in figuring out how many layers to put on my body...

November is here, utterly, and I stop by this space, this not down here place, to say it is a good thing.

2009-11-12T19:29:00.003-06:00

overripe, not quite, feels right but stuck in time so slow
underlit, fondly sit, reels shit and sticks and stones some more

I push actively against the fibrous membrane
and the same slow feeling filters down
like so many dying leaves
and sleeping trees
littering the stillborn landscape.

I push harder against the ardous casings
and the enveloping heart comes through
like so many twinkling lights
and waking dreams
enclosing the sublime fancy

I push no more against the wraith-like nothing
and I exist suddenly throughout
like so many budding trees
and bumbling bees
dizzying the latent sunrise

a continuation of old things

2009-11-10T12:45:00.007-06:00

I thought I'd share a couple of relics from the files...

This is the old Gillham Theatre, which was owned by Tony DiPardo of Chiefs bandleader fame and was being renovated in 2001 into the "Monaco", a special events place. It burned down during renovation - you can find the empty lot just east of 31st and Gillham, to the north of El Torreon.

A link to an article about the fire...

This is part of the Warner Plaza complex that was located at the SE corner of Linwood and Main. The apartment complex and associated commercial buildings were demolished in the mid 90s, along with another 6 blocks of typical midtown housing and apartment buildings. Warner Plaza was known as a pretty terrible place, but it only accounted for approximately 1/6th of the land area demolished for the Home Depot and Costco that are there now. Even though Costco is a welcome addition to the neighborhood, it demonstrates land planning at its absolute worst and shows Kansas City's complete lack of interest in anything besides a quick, cheap, incongruous fix when it has the opportunity to do something right.

Here is a map indicating the buildings that were extant in 1991 and were subsequently removed for the pleasure of ample parking and large undeveloped swaths of green.

Warner Plaza only occupies the upper corner of the demo'd site, essentially what is west of Warwick Boulevard and north of 32nd Terrace... or McDonalds, for anyone familiar with the area.

of animation and social space, told from the perspective of me over my lunch break

2009-11-02T13:03:00.005-06:00

Today the dominant social space for me has been a linear block of buildings situated on a passageway known as Massachusetts Avenue.
After eating a simple, swift lunch of beef tacos at La Parilla I slowly walked to the north, stopping for a time outside of Sunflower Bicycle. Carefully walking out of the worn shop door was a long haired, soft orange cat named Stanley. I stopped and spent a few silent minutes with Stanley, and a very complete peace settled over my stormy monday bones.
This cat didn't seem to notice or care for my attention, but he also didn't shy away. I walked on to the corner of 8th and Massachusetts and sat on a concrete wall for a few minutes regarding Stanley in the animated silence of the crisp early november early afternoon. Eventually he walked inside his shop, and I continued north.

On a whim I decided to stop in The Dusty Bookshelf and I spent the better part of a half hour wandering around the decayed paper smell of the used bookstore, picking up idle conversation from the clerk and a customers, and generally losing myself in odd titles on gardening and philosophy and cities.
I selected a Ray Bradbury book I have never read, The Martian Chronicles, and a book about Jane Jacobs and Robert Moses in New York City named Wrestling With Moses. After paying, I deliberately walked up the stairs to the office, outside of the lineal space of Massachusetts Avenue and back into the specific programmed use of an architectural office.

And here I'll be for some time.

fasting for the feast

2009-10-30T16:29:00.003-05:00

i deprive myself to make myself hungry.
i give to you to make you full.

That just popped into my head! What does it mean? I have no idea... but I like alliteration, sometimes (typically on fridays) and I especially like being vague.

Put that on your sandwich and smoke it!

this is where i have ended

2009-10-29T11:34:00.002-05:00

this is another old poem, possibly from early 2002...

its content may not be applicable, but i like its simplicity. enjoy.

this is where i have ended

this is where i have ended.
on the brown side of the river,
washing scratch rust along my calves,
my forearms.
no warning,
no time to think.
dirt compounding itself,
like so many chords,
haphazardly strung in a minor key.
like dirty rain
bottled in the spring
for each pale yellow lighting streak
calling the lover to mate.

all we ever wanted was everything

2009-10-23T09:08:00.005-05:00

i am reminded of a song on this cold, brittle, and silent friday.

the song is "all we ever wanted was everything", by bauhaus.

it is appropriate as the seasons change and self-reflection is warmed by the inner fires of winter.

the lyrics:

All we ever wanted was everything
All we ever got was cold
Get up, eat jelly
Sandwich bars, and barbed wire
Squash every week into a day

The sound of drums is calling
The sound of the drum has called
Flash of youth shoot out of darkness
Factorytown

Oh to be the cream

furrowed white

2009-10-19T12:38:00.004-05:00

I'll begin by saying I don't know anything. Now that we have established this, let us consider a white plane. This plane is equivalently infinite in two directions. This plane has a minimal depth. As I begin to trace projected vectors across the plane, the resultant furrows are represented as the space between the white. This space is the casual precision that silently binds similar elements together.
These furrows begin as vectors yet as they plot a trajectory they begin to take on organic qualities. Qualities that can hardly be described with words, but resemble the capillaries on a damp, orange leaf or the dew soaked web of a sleeping, satiated spider.
They continue and express themselves as the creases of a smiling face or as the crystalline cracks on a broken yet intact windshield. They connect, collect, and coalesce into a third dimension, implying rigid icebergs shaped like sidewalks cracked by ancient roots, or rolls of trace paper crumpled into shadows.
The furrowed white is now all encompassing, like a rumpled down comforter or the rainless, rolling cloudy sky of New Mexico. It is everywhere and the lines come together into a single point, a concise dot at the center of all things.

And this is where my knowledge fails me, for I have no words to describe it.

dayspring

2009-10-11T20:53:00.003-05:00

entangled crystaline strands
stand at rest,
shuddering at the lost moments before dawn.
the light hearted ease of silent transition,
the spilling of viscous thoughts in hypnogogic diagrams,
the remembered cold as joints crack into place,
the still noise of dark escaping,
glowering at the slow spreading fingers of day,
the dry spark of morning,
and now

The Sun.

fox in the snow

2009-10-08T12:52:00.003-05:00

delicate webs grow taut across pallid skin
lifting eyes northward over bluffs
so white
and cracked with snow
intricate roots blanche bracken groves of stone
cleaving hearts into soft peat
so green
and moist with dark.

de-emphasis on density

2009-10-05T14:35:00.005-05:00

These images speak for themselves, if you know Kansas City Missouri.

The first is looking northeast from 33rd and Summit/SW Trafficway towards Penn Valley Park.

The orange indicates the extensive area that was cleared in the 1950s-60s for office buildings that were never built, and eventually became the site of Penn Valley Community College.

The green indicates the BMA tower location, the low-rise office buildings on Broadway, and the empty lots south of 33rd street.

The built character of this area was similar to Valentine north of Valentine Road between Summit and Pennsyvannia - solid middle class turn-of-the century housing and some early 20th century multi-family, organized on straight streets with large porches and shade trees.

The second set of images indicates how many large apartment buildings were removed after WW2 in the Broadway / Armour Boulevard area. This aerial view is looking Northwest from roughly 36th and Broadway. You can see the Kansas City Life Insurance company building in the foreground - surrounding it are various empty lots and parking lots that used to house large, pre-war apartment buildings. Many of these were similar in style and nature to the buildings on Armour between Broadway and Main. There was also an additional Knickerbocker Place building that was removed for an office building expansion.

I understand that progress comes at the expense of what was, but was the replacement of these uses truly higher and better? In terms of neighborhood and sense of community, it only served to further fragment Midtown as a viable residential neighborhood in the center of the city.

understanding the four letter word, or, a word or two about the blues

2009-09-28T17:54:00.003-05:00

In the spirit of recent posts, here is another old sack of words. This is from 2003, I believe...

understanding the four letter word,
or,
a word or two about the blues

beginning with
prime player paulina
sad doe eyed crystal shoed beauty
slipping softly and lithe
little feet flipping the wind into gusts
and a boy
something like a man
with a frame and a frame of
mind
to contend with
contention being their calling
their mutual trust
his sandy features pockmarked with red and long greenish hazel cat eyes,
pooling down slowly and swiftly to his ill proportioned yet chiseled
remains
to be seen what will come of color
when it loses a touch
a kiss
and a flirt
to be reflexive and possessive
and read-into-disaster-dramatic meaning
sprouting like dandelions
matting hair in virile hands
like an old spinster spinning
towards the radio to catch the latest news from the front
moving in from the west
lightening cold and the blues so bad
like belly-up firemen with rubber boots
and burly mouths
drinking the morning away
striking truth and blue truth is understanding
as she serves this smile
and that ass pat
piddling for something like days wouldn't know or think of.
it feels pretty good to hold him in her arms
after hours
when the bar is closed
and the gas light hums
purring under sheets
for his plying fingers
so dense in the midday sun
yet slender and delicate in the cover of midnight
and love.
these kids,
they're crazy,
as you are,
as i am,
as they are,
as she is,
as he is...

tangled, forever

2009-09-28T17:52:00.003-05:00

i wrote this tangle of words on february 25, 2004 and it feels somewhat applicable today:

cleaner, smiling, lisping. april dreamings matched with july schemings. i like my life, i love the unknown. i smile for my repepitive, fresh, scantily clad outlook. i harmonize squares with circles, you know. you build mountains with ash. i'm really smelling chicken, freedom, sadness, future. uncertainty probably is the best thing- and damn near closest to the ever elusive moment. its like tendrils slipping out and padding around for the ground, or something, some leaf, some beginning. a stamen to slide down, a petal to climb up, a clever handshake and friendly drink, the grain induced stillness of learning without words, leaning without cords and taking that mirror fresh sip from life. if i was cursed to do this forever, i'd be happy, because
we'd have forever. and that's about as much time as i need to conclude anything.

partial loveburst

2009-09-22T18:36:00.002-05:00

as in
a partial burst of sun across sloped horizons
a liquid display of gray under dimmed eyelids
a loving decay over slippery ivy
a deliberate thirst beside earth tinted water

the clarity of each moment is sharper with the sun in your eyes.

tornado sky minus wind

2009-09-20T09:46:00.004-05:00

yesterday evening the setting sky in kansas city was beautiful.
as dusk gathered, the empty fingers of night cast a yellow pall over the linear wisps of cloud.
this pall reminded one of the silent pink preceding terrifying weather on the kansas plains.
but last night, it was very peaceful.

the embers of summer are still smoldering, warming, animating as the bracing air of fall lingers on naked skin.

seasonal transitions serve to reinforce the consistency of now. that is how i feel on this concise morning. this morning of my first anniversary, this cloudless anymorning, this quiet continuation of all things. these days out of time, these days away from convention, they are refreshing.

i smile outwardly, and inwardly i rest.

South Central Neighborhood Association

2009-09-15T17:36:00.002-05:00

This image indicates buildings which have been removed from the former South Central Neighborhood portion of Kansas City, adjacent to the intersection of Troost & 31st/Linwood. These buildings include the venerable Isis Theatre, where Walt Disney got his start, a handful of 6-9 story pre-WW2 hotel apartment buildings, and a couple significant commercial buildings. Troost is the north south street in the center of the image, directly east of the Isis, and Linwood is the east/west street south of the LaSalle Hotel.

The former Jones Store, JC Penny, and Katz Drug remain, although mostly underutilized or vacant. The importance of this image isn't that these things are no longer there, which is true for most areas of the city, but that these things were all demolished after 1991. That is how quickly the density and built character of an established neighborhood can change. If anything this is a warning to Armour Boulevard - it may not get as bad as Linwood may have been in the 1970s-80s, but it could very easily turn into tomorrow's community garden and empty, trash strewn lot.

Take heed, Kansas City. Don't let your city continue to dismantle itself one irreplaceable bit of context at a time.

inert purpose

2009-09-13T23:12:00.004-05:00

the days once more grow short
and the shadows long.
but this is not listlessness,
it is a gentle pause on the constant road.

i once told a friend that if my life could be plotted as a line, it would be as chaotic as thunder, as random as rolling watersheds, as varied as a mountain profile. It would zig zag up and down uncontrollably, in all directions. but this would only be perceptible up close, magnified to a great degree. if the observer took a step back they would only see one constant vector, almost perfectly level (possibly inclined) describing a very straight path between two points.

i think we discussed this, and then decided that life may be more similar to an intersecting spiral, constantly reconnecting with itself as it bends in and out in a sweeping, casual vitality.

eventually, we decided, our lives were best described as a line on a sphere. this satisfies the pragmatic nature of moving between two points without trivializing things that happen daily as indiscernible at normal magnification. it allows the line to be a line and a spiral, fixed to a tangible, perfect shape (life) yet never following the same path, sometimes intersecting itself and always changing and moving.

inert purpose is the opposite of determinism. while i believe we are ultimately responsible for our actions, sometimes being purposeful can litter an occasion with unnecessary gravity.

sometimes, its better to simply be.

mountain whimsy; or can summer truly end?

2009-09-08T22:22:00.007-05:00

I have just returned from a 6 day journey through Colorado. This journey was conceived exactly four weeks ago today, and was brought to fruition with the barest amount of planning. I am appropriately satisfied, grimy, sleepy, and still wide-eyed in wonder. I will have a more detailed account soon, but for now here are my simple thoughts on the matter...

It is possible that happiness is sustainable, whether it is from friends, loved ones, breathtaking prospects or a nice cold beer after a 10 hour drive.

There is something achingly romantic about breakfast by the side of a creek in the Crystal River valley.

Friends are good, and so are baths.

A mountain valley filled w/ fog on a sharp morning is sublime, especially after the confusion and rapture of a night out at elevation in Crested Butte...

For 6 unplanned days I felt as if I existed in the precise moment between sentimental memories and careful plans, that very difficult place to find between what has just happened and what may come to pass.

Dark orange is a beautiful color when witnessed in nature.

A mountain pass is best experienced on the way up, but is less intimidating on the way down... unless its through Lincoln Gorge...

A distinct scent can recall an experience in a far more arresting way than any photograph.

The quality of light on a clear day in western Kansas is clarified by the crisp edge of a shadow.

Grain silos littered across flat land remind me of small pegs holding the thin flesh of farm crops to the earth.

I've seen beauty and instead of contemplating it, I wrapped my arms around it.

restorative tonic

2009-09-01T09:41:00.002-05:00

It takes a loss of something to have it restored.
Indeed, when there is no absence of a thing
then that thing cannot be replaced.
The bracing fact is the sudden autumnal crispness
of the past few weeks
has served as a rehabilitative (without duress) tonic,
a soft calling towards chilled breath and brittle fingers.

And now for something completely different...

2009-08-29T10:30:00.005-05:00

Let me take this opportunity to tell you about a friend of mine. His name is Charly Nub. He is a careful, cautious, loving, grey little gentlemen. He is my step-son, a manx cat with a nub tail and a cold nose. He is very handsome and is built like a tank. He would be a successful mouser if given the opportunity, and he longs for the out-of-doors.
I think his demeanor is deliberate, even if his balance is poor. Over the years we have compared him to a purr machine and an imperial walker sighted on the north ridge. He doesn't cuddle with me often, but when he does it resonates to the floor.
There is a cat that lives under the stairs outside. I think she is Charly's girlfriend. He will sit in the window and croak at her. I forgot to mention that Charly can't meow, just like his half brother Usul. He makes an odd half scratchy croaking sound. It is one of the cutest things you will ever hear.

Charly is sleeping as I write this, compactly ashen in his soft charcoal color. I don't know when his birthday is, or if he gets as much attention as Usul, but I know he is loved.

Mistral

2009-08-28T12:49:00.003-05:00

Mistral - A dry cold northerly wind that blows in squalls toward the Mediterranean coast of southern France.

The last mix cd/tape of consequence that I made was from last year's mix tape party, in late december. I had to reformat my computer a couple of weeks after and no longer had the playlist - just today my good friend Derek sent me the tracklist from the copy of the disc that I had given him. I am very excited to get home and arrange it and give it another listen, 8 months later. Here's the list...

-Great Bay Temple – Koji Kondo
-Collarbone – Fujiya & Miyagi
-Tiny Apocalypse – David Byrne
-Hair Dude, You’re Stepping On My Mistique – Out Hud
-Snails & Lasers for Patricia – Matmos
-One in a Day – Koushik
-March of the Meanies – The Beatles
-Best Imitation of Myself – Ben Folds Five
-Outcome – Beck
-I’ve Got Viking in My Blood – Four Tet
-Cassettesingle – Fujiya & Miyagi
-Dancer – Koji Kondo
-Steal My Body Home – Beck
-Above You – The Whitest Boy Alive
-Into Dust – Mazzy Star
-Colours – Hot Chip
-A True Story of a Story of True Love – The Books
-The Wind – Cat Stevens

Density vs. Land Use (visually)

2009-08-27T12:46:00.004-05:00

A casual observation of our environment...

39th and Broadway looking east, circa the 1950s...

39th and Broadway today... the depressing thing is that most of this density of use existed in the early 1990s.

you are my machine

2009-08-26T08:29:00.003-05:00

I woke up today with two songs stuck in my head at the same time - "Lover Lover Lover" by Leonard Cohen and "Bone Machine" by the Pixies. I'll have to ruminate on that for a bit before I really understand why.

The title of my post refers to the fact that you, Kansas City, are my beautiful machine. You may be flawed in some ways, you may be unsalvagable and you may have enormous potential - and for all of these perfect imperfections I am yours.

horseshoes...

2009-08-24T19:32:00.002-05:00

Our dinner nights continue, as we swiftly prepare a homemade eggplant and chicken parmesan for Anna's brother's birthday. The whole Nielsen family is over to our apartment for a last hurrah of sorts, and the meal is almost ready.

Anna has prepared a delicious pear and almond salad to go along with the entree. I can't wait to dig in!

Monday, monday....

Concerning Permanence in the Transient West Pt. 1

2009-08-18T13:34:00.008-05:00

An older project:

In the interest of "permanence" and "identity", I created the following map about 3 years ago. This neighborhood map indicates either the common name for a section of town or the neighborhood association name, based on year 2000 census data. I have been intending to complete it, and possibly extend it to other city neighborhoods, but haven't gotten around to it. The original reason I created this was the NFT guides for cities such as Chicago and Boston. They helped me understand the cities in a very neighborhood oriented, efficient and pocket sized way. This map was originally created as a point of reference for Kansas City's own transient urbanity and lack of common identity.

If you've known me for awhile, you know that I have posted these things on KCRAG over the years. In an effort to centralize my thought process, I am pulling these graphics and ideas into one location and using them to inform my creative direction.

Deftly, now...

2009-08-17T18:48:00.003-05:00

And with a cool hand.
Slowly, casually, expertly witness the unlit fuse,
the harsh light of a single spark
flashing (cutting)haphazardly through experience
and reason.

Filter thoughts in well soaked basins
coarsely deciding what can be
and what is.
Delivery rumbles through veins slightly tired,
full of refuse and dark.

But dark is not what you think it is,
it is not the unknowing,
it is not the untold,
it is not the unseen...

Dark is the pall of monday evenings,
of purple stained clouds heavy with today's weather,
casually interrupting the blue you take for granted.

Dark is the hand that scoops up grass,
that takes the root away from the rock and paints your eyesight white.
This dark, this white, can only be forever,
can only be what is.

And that is why you love it.

The thing's hollow—it goes on forever—

2009-08-14T19:20:00.004-05:00

and yes, indeed, it is full of stars. The density of quiet astral beauty is amazing. But I come here not to discuss these things. Instead, I must say a few words concerning a topic dear to my heart. That topic is tonight's meal..

Tonight I have the charcoal grill burning bright as I prepare to grill pineapple, cod, and chicken. These ingredients will be incorporated as follows:

A grilled pineapple salsa and a jalapeno onion salsa will be prepared fresh this evening.

A simple appetizer of quesadillas con queso y rajas will be ready as a snack.

And the main courses will be fish tacos de ensenda and Pueblo style chicken tacos.

Audrey will be providing a side dish, and Anna will be fashioning mojitos to help us survive the glare of the setting sun. My family is coming over, including my lovely sisters and mother, and my niece and nephew. It should make for a lovely night.

I say this because Anna and I will be reinstituting a favorite pastime of ours, a ritual we have not endeveaored since the year 2005. This is the hosted couples dinner party, where we have different couples over on different evenings for dinner and drinks. I am excited to begin!

There was a fish... IN the percolator

2009-08-13T17:31:00.007-05:00

I am becoming too connected. My blog now updates as facebook notes - the rest can be found here and for some reason this is motivating me to write more.

Instead of writing, I'd like to share this image I just came across, an image I created a few months ago. This is a figure ground representation of the downtown and midtown neighborhoods in the great city of Kansas City, Missouri. The first image includes a map underlay for orientation. The image on the left is Downtown, the image on the right is Midtown. The orange color indicates large surface parking lots, empty lots, and the frontage, approaches, and right of way for limited access highways.

Enjoy!

hedonism awaits

2009-08-12T09:28:00.004-05:00

Recently I have been writing stream of consciousness posts based on the title of the post.
For example, I'll be washing my hands in the bathroom and the phrase "These Ruinous Days" or "Thursday's Junkpile" or even "Hedonism Awaits" pops into my head. And then, after typing the word or phrase in the Title: bar, I proceed to write whatever comes to mind that loosely fits within the theme and is relative to any number of real or imagined thoughts or feelings.
I know that sounds convoluted, but it does two things - first, it allows the creative juices to start flowing, which enlivens me. And second, it allows me to express myself in an abstract way. This abstraction is essential in my expression, as I still strongly believe in the potential of things as much as I understand the reality. It explains my love affair with Kansas City, my constant, half-hearted attempts at self-betterment, and my desire to continue learning and experiencing things as I go.

The reality is that my love is infinite, my wife is beautiful, my hands are tired, my future is unfolding. And the greatest part of this future is the potential it holds.

these ruinous days

2009-08-11T13:20:00.004-05:00

I doubt they are truly ruinous, but for every trivial moment there must be something profound, and for every dumbfounded comment something intelligent may spring forward.

I am enriched knowing that beautiful things exist in this world, rare untouched things that beguile and besmirch. I am chastened finding that destructive things can be graceful, that beautiful things can hurt.

I am, as usual, amused at my own self reflective banality - it excites me to be melancholy. Rainy days continue to soften my heart in ways that words can only begin to express... it softens like fresh cut grass, like rain soaked flowers, like crisp autumn nights that await.

These days are ruinous to sadness, to emptiness - these days can only bring the soft drying of the leaves in a rare and beautiful way.

I will leave nothing, as I am alive and filled to the brim.

a dream, circa march 19 of this year

2009-06-04T16:59:00.003-05:00

a strange dream from 3 months ago, featuring josh, derek, tobias, and myself...

In it, the four of us were celebrating derek's bachelor party on a very large yacht that was moving quite fast through a large, urban waterway. The waterway was dirty, surrounded by tall, grey, decrepit buildings and derelict industrial relics. The banks of this swift moving river were lush in an ancient, spoiled sort of way. Josh was piloting the ship rather poorly, and at some point during the "cruise" he was ejected off the port side and disappeared for two days. In the meantime tobias and I took turns trying to pilot the ship upstream amongst heavy barge and drunken canoe traffic. I don't remember all of the details along the way, but eventually we located a waterlogged, exhausted josh and revived him with copious amounts of booze and women. Again, the details were hazy, but there was something altogether epic about the adventure. I believe before we docked the ship sank, and as the bow raised perpendicular to the plane of the water we scrambled off and survived, somehow.

occlusion

2009-06-01T10:38:00.004-05:00

On Friday morning I woke up with the "ghostly interlude" from the Ghostbusters Theme in my head. You may recall it is the slighly spooky instrumental break where the 80s drums bang away and reverberate as the keyboard spells out ghostly thoughts.

Sunday evening was interesting in the motor vehicle department -

First things first, around 7:30 pm Anna contacted me to let me know her car was overheating in the neighborhood of 29th and Flora - I sped over to meet her on Troost Avenue and we managed to get her car, obviously smoking and leaking fluid from the front, to our apartment.
We jumped in my reliable Golf and sped down to the Cosentino's grocery store downtown to pick up a couple of items, namely, bread and salad fixings. After returning to my car we decided to drive around the Performing Arts Center construction site, where my car promptly died. I assumed it was either the clutch or it was out of fuel - we rightly ruled out clutch and pushed the car down 16th street to Walnut. After emptying a recently purchased gallon of gasoline into my car's drained tank, I attempted to start it again - to no avail. Our good friend Derek provided moral support at this stage, as he lives a block away from where my vehicle was at rest. I assumed it was a faulty fuel pump or line, so we called a tow truck and managed to have it towed to our apartment.
An hour later, after the car is released from the bed of the tow truck, I made a last feeble attempt to start it, and it fired right up. Talk about timing!

Needless to say, one day we would like to have one reliable car and two good bicycles instead of 2 shoddy cars.... a thought for today...

bothersome

2009-05-22T15:18:00.002-05:00

but not really. I'm halfway between today and yesterday, so I have but a moment to tell you that everything is fine.

As such, enjoy the sunshine, and I'll hopefully talk to you soon....

the failure of tendencies

2009-04-30T08:30:00.004-05:00

Last night I had a strange dream. In it, a friend of mine was working on her thesis in school - it was called "The Failure of Tendencies" and was a logic-based dismissal of academic technique. Needless to say it was over my head, yet my friend, in my dream, seemed to have complete control over and knowledge of the subject. Since it was my dream I imagine that I possess that same control, since this all sprang forth fully formed from my mind - however, I have a feeling some part of my subconscious was able to dupe my waking dream-self.
The rest of the dream was pretty standard - I was riding around with this friend and we came upon an unfamiliar neighborhood and somehow the person she was with decided to leave me there - so I began walking and happened upon a clutch of stray dogs and cats that would not stop following me. Somehow I ended up in a giant cargo jet that was flying just above the surface of the water and was attempting to disobey orders to land - upon this break from protocol, the giant jet was disabled by an entire fleet of the same type of cargo jet. The cargo jet bounced to a stop on the rippling, vast water of some port city and I woke up.

Crazy!

forty-thousand headmen

2009-04-29T12:50:00.003-05:00

The song rings in my ears - let it ring in yours!

I've been doing well, old friend. Recently I've turned 31 years old and I've begun to manage my diet in a very active way. The people who say that writing down what you eat helps you eat less are correct, at least as far as I'm concerned. I've somehow been able to limit my portion sizes while increasing my meals and eating foods I want to eat - all the while shedding a handful of pounds.
I've been remiss to discuss it (I don't want to jinx it) but its been a month and I think I can talk about it now.
One thing that is imperative when keeping track of calories is keeping track of ALL calories - including soft drinks and alcohol. It can be very eye opening, but also very inspiring. I've managed to balance everything out on a daily basis and now I find it difficult to eat that much before I am full. Its a great feeling - I hope to sustsin it!
In other news, I've moved onto a fast track project at work and hope to get back into design after its completion. My licensure testing progresses slowly but I have passed both tests I've taken and need only to take five more - I think I'll schedule one for sometime in late May to keep myself on track.
I've been married now for seven months - it seems like I've always been married, in some respects, but our lives haven't changed much since our wedding. We spend more time together and we have common financial goals (save and pay off debt) but other than that it feels just as familiar, comfortable, and loving as it has for almost 7 years.
We are currently house shopping - in a very leisurely manner. I think we have a few we are interested in but we continue to take our time - we don't see why we should rush into anything.
Anyway - that's the story - hopefully I'll visit here more often and pass along more tidbits about our life....

bounce

2009-04-29T12:49:00.002-05:00

i've bounced up
i've landed at the top of the stairs
the space is high ceilinged and quiet
the light is even and damp
the pace is electric yet leisurely
as i bounce up
and land at the top of the stairs

thursday's junk pile

2009-04-23T15:51:00.005-05:00

3:51pm CST
blowing kisses wistfully at ancient buildings.
suddenly realizing that the municipal farm was an actual farm. with pigs.
thinking of a kansas city that grows up every hill in a manner similar to the west side.
wondering what those hills would feel like.
drinking in ice cold water and listening longingly towards the half opened windows and the spare strands of sun that slide through.
hunched over intently staring at digital drawings and electronic messages that pass in and out in such a darting, furtive, nervous way.
likening the flourescent glow to curving monotony.
disagreeing with the creamy walls and galvanized purple posts.
blandly typing out sequential obvservations with little meaning and no purpose.
finding melancholy a delicate thing.
dark remnants of yesterday flit across the warm potential of the evening.
it rained last night.
3:57 CST
looking for tenderness on the binary crest of a wave.

Title

2009-02-02T09:50:00.005-06:00

Welcome home, sweet blog.
Today is an interesting day. I have almost a month's worth of facial hair crowding around my mouth.
My belly is still digesting delicious grilled talipia tacos from last night.
My soul is still warm from the glow of my family.
My hands are still soft from cuddling with my pretty wife.
My legs are still sore from walking all over.

I'm feeling vivacious today, in that soft, pensive, opportunistic way.

Dollar bowties.

2009-01-30T21:52:00.002-06:00

I think this is it. This is the moment. I laugh, I cry, I wonder what the next is.

Towering love.
Lithe handfuls and useless glances.
How and why
Did my hands
Untie these gloves?

From Russia with love

2009-01-20T22:17:00.001-06:00

Blue skies and spiced rum, posting from the field.

Gymboree Pancakes

2008-11-17T19:20:00.003-06:00

Seriously, my throat is still a cough factory. But overall I feel tons better than I have for a week. So much better, in fact, that I think I may do a few pushups. There. That was good.

Work has been interesting recently. We are in the defining moment of the project where we start and continue detailing the hell out of all the design decisions we have made over the past few weeks and months. In one month exactly we need to have a 50% CD set. I am confident we will make it, as our model is excellent and the information is there, ready to be pushed out. It is something I look forward to.

On the home front, my beautiful wife did laundry for us today and met myself and a friend at Blue Koi for lunch. I had some delicious dumplings and a little roasted duck wrap. Who said lunch couldn't be delicious?! She's at work now, making scrill smiling.

Me, I think I'll prepare for the part of the evening where I sleep. I know its early yet, but I'm almost recovered - best not to ruin it now!

White Innocence

2008-11-15T09:36:00.007-06:00

Its the title of a Jethro Tull song. A particularly bad one from the 1980s, or as I like to call it, the long, slow decline.
Its Saturday morning and I have been bedeviled by a cold all week. I usually get sick a couple times each season change, but this particular cold has been so classic that its almost humorous. I've had every possible symptom, and they've changed by day.
But I'd hate to waste this valuable space describing my decrepit crawl back to normal winter health. I mean, it has been almost 7 months since we've spoken. A lot has happened!
First, I am married. Anna and I exchanged our vows in late September. We are working on a photo blog of our wedding, our reception, and our honeymoon. The link will be the same as our wedding website - feel free to check up on it periodically as we start to format the photos.
It was a beautiful, crisp autumn day - 72 degrees and not a cloud in the sky - and we were wed approximately at 6:04 pm on the Twelth Street Viaduct of Kansas City. It was perfect. A lovely party followed full of happy people and much celebration. I'll have to craft another post with just my thoughts on the momentous day /night. Right now I am needing breakfast, so this can be your teaser.

One quick thing for you - check out l e s s c o a s t ... it is a photoblog that myself and 4 friends have started. One is in Portland, OR, one is in Boston, MA, and three are in Kansas City, MO. We are communicating daily with simple photos - the only rule being that we have to have taken the photo the same day we post it. I think is a fabulous way to stay visually connected with 4 exquisite sets of eyes - we are all architects so we have a tendency to see things in a certain way. I believe the name lesscoast came about due to our coast to coast presence as a group of friends - our Kansas City is the heart, the foundation that ties the two coasts together. Enjoy!

Silent Ascent

2008-03-27T17:02:00.002-05:00

plaster

2008-03-21T13:33:00.003-05:00

to continue a trend, i woke up this morning with the following song coming out of my puckered mouth...

painted eyelids by beck

I wake up and look upon your painted eyelids
The world is your oyster
And the trash bags are your kids
The ceiling is invisible
There's a bird sinking' through the sky
And every hour that passes
Is teaching me how to cry
Cuz it's lonely here
In the ugly part of town
The buildings are all vacant
And the telephones are down
There's a police siren singing
Like a tiger with no skin
The sewer drain is glowing
And I don't know what state I'm in
And the river is on fire
There's chemicals and debris
And all the roads are blocked off
Cuz they're just too hard to see
So cancel my appointments
And set up a whole new show
Cuz I'm in need of a good hot meal
And a life to call my own
So get me a plate of money
And get me a blanket and a chair
The limitations are limitless
They're floating through the air
Because it's real and it's true
The things I see in you
And there's nothing I wouldn't talk about
You're the clearest dream

real

2008-03-20T10:38:00.002-05:00

to continue a theme, i woke up today with this song in my head....

love is real -- john lennon

Love is real, real is love,
Love is feeling, feeling love,
Love is wanting to be loved.
Love is touch, touch is love,
Love is reaching, reaching love,
Love is asking to be loved.
Love is you, You and me,
Love is knowing, We can be.
Love is free, free is love,
Love is living, living love,
Love is needing to be loved.

bones so white

2008-03-12T13:34:00.004-05:00

good afternoon.

the following is a random shuffle of the 712 songs on my ipod nano. it is the soundtrack to my afternoon of stair shop drawing review.

- swansea - joanna newsome
- sexx laws - beck
- la femme d'argent - air
- tired of being alone - al green
- tradewindz - ahmad miller
- shakara - fela kuti
- sommersault - zero 7
- the dawn - dj krush
- do you realize - flaming lips
- fume - beck
- the scoop - beastie boys
- king kong - psapp
- i want to be the boy - white stripes
- loose nuts on the veladrome - the liars
- the poor, the fair, and the good - silver jews
- i turn my camera on - spoon
- when no on cares - junior boys

bogusflow

2008-01-16T11:13:00.001-06:00

The following is a Beck song that I woke up singing this morning.
For some reason, it seems appropriate.

bogusflow
Monkey see, monkey die
Laminate your face and paste it up into the sky
Cuz it's squalid and it's solid
and it'sCompletely rancid and beautiful
Like a forcefield of multiplying meat
Cut a hole in the floor to see
Just how close to hell we're standin'
Time shoots forward in your skull
Scattered to the four winds chucked in a bucket
Riding lampost, moldy toast
Excitement level: zero

Rock the casbah, bring the noise
Amplified dishwashers
Exploring the boring to the core
People with cordless personalities
Runnin' around in new wave bionic jogging suits
California white boy sound
Rocket-powered and nailed to the ground
New age, old age
Totally lame
Straight to the middle of the road
Rewind the tape
Play the whole thing backwards
With the sound completely turned off

silvian nightmare

2007-11-23T15:21:00.001-06:00

a litte something I wrote on april 27, 2002, right around 3pm...

silvian nightmare...

I awake to find the sheets
bare
and wasted.
"Such fine things to write"
writhing in my time.

Dreams of four-fingered women and
soft cars
give nothing to the imagination.
just limp thoughts and xeroxed headaches
attached to silken whipsers of what it means to be loved.

I fall into sleep
lightly
so as not to hurt my head.
and dreams
of four flashing lights
in debt to the street.
You could call it something
but is something worth my time?
and lifting softly down
i glide into a world of me.
"OF THINGS BETTER LEFT UNSAID"
i think of things
better left to rest.

and waking i rest inside my arsenic veins,
shaking from a sad withdrawal of sun.
"orange was once a color," she might say,
"and your hair is simply dead."
i cannot contradict these things resting
softly in my head.

but what of tuesday, and blue lights,
and the night when i sweat?
to love and crush each
word
leaves my tree unfelled.
and unsaid i remain,
sifting through the granite hands i sculpt,
the burning daffodil i suffocate.

each line in vain.

Fantastic

2007-10-21T20:48:00.001-05:00

Hi. I'm still alive. I've missed you.

Life is crazy busy. Anna and I are planning our wedding. We are working alot, and involved in LOCA, our beautiful artist collective. We are enjoying the sun, the moon, and everything in between.

Of course, Kansas City is beautiful right now. The sun sets across streaking clouds, crystal lined winds gust through our sloppy hair.
Beauty.

Gone Fishin'

2007-07-02T20:42:00.002-05:00

This post documents a recent trip fishing.

Overall it was a nice weekend trip, visiting my father and going fishing with my sister Audrey, Anna, and Alex. I also was able to spend quality time with Rachel and my niece.

I caught a very strange looking fish, a sort of perch or something. It had an irregular bump behind its head, and two strange yellow fins on its belly.

What do you think?

Mountains & Sun Part II (too much sun)

2007-07-02T19:30:00.001-05:00

After a two hour layover in Albuquerque (complete with a quick run to a bar in downtown for a shot and a couple drinks with a guy on his way to Hawaii by way of the Amtrak from St. Louis) we settled in for the second leg of our journey.

We spent part of the evening of Sunday, May 20th, in the lower level of the lounge car, attempting to drink cheap overpriced beer and play rummy. There were a handful of people in the lounge, and they were the train drunks. They told us they had spent most of their time on the train in the lounge. Fascinating, yet also a bit disturbing. One of the guys tried to guess that Anna and I were Jewish, and that our profession was schoolteaching. Not quite, but a nice try, I suppose.

After this we slept fitfully until 8 am, when our train pulled into beautiful, sunny Los Angeles, California!

Our rental car was supposed to be an economy, but somehow they rented us a Mercury Grand Marquis for the same price. That's right - we were going to conquer Los Angeles in a huge sedan. Lovely.

We tooled around downtown for a bit, checking out the Disney concert hall and other landmarks, before cruising west down Wilshire past MacArthur Park to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.

The museum had a nice collection, but the buildings were somewhat underwhelming, and there was a lot of construction going on. In addition to this, we made the mistake of visiting during the day on a Monday - it was packed with children. I did enjoy the Dan Flavin exhibit - but most of the contemporary exhibits were closed.

After this we went north on LaBrea to a little bakery called LaBrea Bakery, fittingly. It was a very lovely place, with excellent sandwiches and good coffee.

From here we made our way around town, up into the hills and around Mulholland Drive, until finally arriving at Stephanie's house on Fountain & Formosa, basically LaBrea and Santa Monica Boulevard.

We checked ourselves in and took showers (we still had train lag, if there is such a thing) and then took a walk west down Santa Monica and took some photos. Finally we stopped into a place called Jones Cafe and had a beer and relaxed... Right across the street is the Formosa Cafe, which I suppose is somewhat famous.

We met up with my friend Stephanie and walked down to a park to watch her and her man play kickball - that's right, the craze that has swept sunny Kansas City seems to have made its way to backwater Los Angeles - so we were in familiar territory.

After the game we went to a sports bar and proceeded to hang out well into the night, while taking many ridiculous photos of ourselves. Afterwards we took a much needed cab back to our friends house. From there we had a glass of wine and attempted to watch Fletch - and failed.

The next morning I broke through the slight haze of last night wine and beer and had breakfast with Anna at Cafe 101, a fantastic place in the Best Western Motel at Franklin and Carmen, right by the old 101. From there we walked around Hollywood Boulevard and did the standard stroll from Vine Street to LaBrea. It was pretty grimy and dirty, with a few blocks of touristy stuff and many blocks of 1920s dense and grimy American urban decay.

After this we hit Amoeba Records (amazing... I could live in this store) and then finally headed west to beautiful Santa Monica, California.

We checked in to our motel, the Pacific Sands Motel, and suffered the terrible stench before heading down to the pier for carnival games and a long gaze at the Pacific Ocean.

Somehow between Skeeball, Outrun, corndogs, and walking barefoot in the ocean, I lost our room key. We hurried back to the motel, where the clerk gave us a new key to our same crappy room. The strangest thing about the Pacific Sands Motel was the scale of it - it is surrounded by new condo buildings, but it is still a two story roadside motel, right on the ocean.

After showers and relaxing we walked to Ye Olde King's Head, where we met our friend Mark who is in film school in SoCal. He had an actress friend of his meet us there as well, and we ate fish and chips and sipped on a couple of pints.

Wednesday morning, May 23rd, Anna and I woke up and made our way to a fantastic cafe at about Broadway and 2nd street. We had a bagel and coffee and headed to the Santa Monica Beach for some laying out in the sun.

The beach was rather empty, so we enjoyed laying out and listening to the expanse of the waves for a few hours. It was lovely and peaceful, idly talking about wedding plans and just feeling content and existing with each other.

After this we drove to get Aloe and do some laundry at a local laundromat -after which we walked to a Goodwill at 6th and Santa Monica BLVD for some thrift store shopping. That night we headed down to Venice Beach for some hanging out, but we ended up feeling pretty tired and a little sun sore, so we drove up the Pacific Coast Highway through Malibu and back home, where we bought some beer and carryout and spent the evening in the hotel room.

That night the sun took over, and I became a red, burnt mess. I had been severely burned on the beach that day, as had Anna, and neither of us could sleep comfortably.

The next day was our 5 year anniversary, and we woke up sun sick and skin tight. The day ended up being extremely difficult, as the area behind my knees was burnt and I couldn't bend them without pain. We went to the Getty Center and tried to survive the sun bleached white surfaces, but were somewhat disappointed in the collection and the building. I'm sure the sun pain had something to do with it. We made the best of it, but we ended up going back to our hotel room. After dark we walked to a wonderful Sushi Buffet restaurant, where we toasted our five years with sake and then we watched a movie at the Santa Monica theater, before walking down to the ocean at midnight and silently contemplating how small, and somewhat insignificant we are. The ocean is a powerful, mysterious and dangerous thing, and in the dark its sound and whole emptiness encompassed me.

The next day we had an authentic British breakfast at Ye Olde King's Head before checking out of our hotel and heading to the Griffith Observatory. It was a fantastic experience up in the hills, which were freshly burnt but still pretty. After this experience (and workday driving on the Santa Monica Freeway and the Freeway through downtown) we met back up with Stephanie and Casey and they took us for an evening trip to Pasadena.

Pasadena was lovely - we went to a wine tasting, did a little shopping in the old town, went to a fantastic coffee shop in South Pasadena, had Thai food for dinner and drinks at a fabulous beer bar with many tasty Belgian and English beers on tap.

After sampling a few hearty ales and singing a few Billy Joel songs, we headed back to Stephanie's place in West Hollywood for our last night in California.

The next day Anna and I bid farewell to our friends and went back to Venice Beach for some relaxing, before heading to LAX and bringing our loving, newly engaged, and freshly burnt bodies back to KC.

It was fantastic....

INFRARED US

Mountains and Sun Part I

2007-06-03T18:25:00.001-05:00

You see, it all started two and one half weeks ago when we first boarded the Amtrak Southwest Chief bound for Santa Fe, New Mexico (Lamy, NM, to be precise)

After a fitful night attempting to sleep, we woke up with the dawn and made our way to the lounge car to rustle up a cup of coffee.

The terrain gradually changed as we made our way through Trinidad, CO, and into New Mexico. We went through a pass and a tunnel, and it started raining as we approached our destination.

We finally pulled into Lamy, NM, at about 5:30pm, about 3-4 hours behind schedule.

From Lamy it is a 30 minute shuttle ride to Santa Fe, so we boarded the shuttle and took off, only for the driver to realize halfway through the trip that we had forgotten someone at the station. Anna and I were absolutely ready to get into a hotel and relax for a second, but we waited patiently to arrive at the Hotel St. Francis in the center of Santa Fe.

Our hotel was an upgrade - even though we arrived late due to a freight train breakdown and couldn't rent a car to drive to Taos as originally planned, we were able to make last minute reservations at a nice decayed hotel. It worked out perfectly!

We walked to a lively bar called the Cowgirl Hall of Fame and had an ice cold beer and fish tacos before walking back in the rain and bedding down for the night, after a nip at the hotel bar.

The following morning we went across the street from our Hotel to Pasqual's - a very funky and cool breakfast spot. It was crowded with weathered grey haired people who looked perfectly at home in the dry, constant sun. We wondered around a bit on the plaza and bought a few trinkets before checking out of our hotel and renting our beautiful red ford focus. We drove off north into the hills south of Taos, following the Low Road alongside the Rio Grande.

After that we journeyed further up into the mountains and arrived in Taos. Apparantly Taos was an inspiration to an army of dry earth type painters. The stark mountains and crisp, airbrushed skies were like oxygen to a combustion engine. I myself felt a twinge of fancy and a sparkle of inspiration, but it had more to do with the forested mountains than the dry, semi dead valleys.

From Taos we drove east through Carson National Forest into the Sangre de Cristo Mountains. After succeeding through a pass we entered a long rolling grassland plateau surrounded by mountains. Here is Angel Fire resort and further on, Eagle Nest. At Eagle Nest is a large lake that is the headwater for the Cimarron River. We passed through this green, rolling, untreed plateau and passed down into the Cimarron River Valley.

Just past this lake, along the shores of the Cimarron River as shown in the previous photo, we pulled aside to have a picnic of tacos and Coronitas, little 7 oz Coronas purchased back in Taos. Here I proposed marriage to Anna! The air was perfect, having just rained and lending itself to a fresh taste and clear breeze, with mountains above and a stream trickling below. Anna ate in contented silence as I smiled and wistfully dreamed of the beauty of cold mountain streams passing through valleys in bubbling silence. Here it was to happen, and I carefully placed the box with her ring in it behind the stump she was sitting on. I casually remarked, somewhat goofily (and perfectly, considering us) that she had dropped some salsa behind her. She leaned back and saw the blue box in the grass and opening, showed her complete surprise that this was happening. It was beautiful.

I had so many emotions up to that point, wanting the moment to be perfect and forever memorable, but I think the way it happened was perfect. She loved the ring and absolutely loved the scenario. We sat by the water for a while, basking in our new found betrothedness (although it is quite obvious that we have been leading to this point for years) and finally made our way back to Taos, through mountains, rain, and a steady stream of biker's with American Flags on their heads.

We checked into our hotel and enjoyed our newfound love and stronger unity. At dusk we walked around the Taos plaza and stopped in to the Alley Cantina for drinks and dinner. A perfect end to a perfect and memorable day!

The next day, Saturday May 19, we woke up and walked to breakfast at Cafe Relleno for Juevos Rancheros. Then we checked out of our hotel and drove north and west to the Rio Grande Gorge.

The drop from the center of the bridge to the water below is over 630 feet, which would be taller than the tallest building in Kansas City, One Kansas City Place. From there we headed west into the Brazo mountains and what appeared to be a pretty ominous storm. We went rather far into and up the forest until we were almost above the tree line. In this area there were beautiful trees that I likened to the trees of Lorien, since they looked silver and like roots coming up out of the ground. They were quite beautiful, but unfortunately I didn't get a good photo of them.

From one of the heights we encounted a lot of rain and lightning that seemed to flash all around us. We promptly turned back and made our way south across the Taos Plateau to Abiquiu, where we took this photo of an old pueblo church. Apparantly Georgia O'Keefe had something to do with this foresaken and empty place, and by this point in time I wasn't that interested in finding out. Anna and I had come to the conclusion that New Mexico may be lonely and beautiful, but we wouldn't want to live there and were more inclined to creative spaces like O'Keefe's husband, Alfred Steiglitz, would exist in.

From there we headed back to Santa Fe, after a Thrift Store excursion in Espanola, and checked in to the Santa Fe Sage Inn motel. From here we explored a bit of Canyon Road but ended up ordering a pizza in and drinking champagne in celebration of our engagement. It was quite nice and relaxing.

The next day we woke up, partook in the Continental Breakfast, and then made our way to Budget to drop off the rental car. After this we had two hours to kill, so we walked south on Cerillos for a few blocks with all of our luggage to go wait it out in a roadside cafe.

After a while and a return trip to the shuttle pick up point, we ended up back in Lamy awaiting the Southwest Chief westbound to Los Angeles. The train was a little early this time, and we climbed aboard to enjoy part two of our journey, the suprising Los Angeles that we fell in love with when we least expected it, together in engagement...

giving way to fruitful years

2007-05-11T14:56:00.001-05:00

In the words of Ian Anderson,

Each to his own way I'll go mine
Best of luck in what you find
But for your own sake remember times
we used to know

he knows what he's talking about.

Today is beautiful, it is 3pm on a friday afternoon, in fact my LAST friday afternoon at JAI.
Everything is crisp and clean, the sky is blue, the clouds are white and puffy, the limestone is rusticated and the brick is earthen red. It is very difficult to be here in the office right now, but I think I'll make it.

Tonight Derek is in town from Chicago. I am going to water Josh's plants and cat, go for a jog through my neighborhood in the Crossroads, clean up, and then meet my good friends on Colin's rooftop garden at 909 Walnut.
But for now, two more hours of shadowing and rendering elevations of houses I would never live in.

Good day!

truth is stranger than fiction

2007-05-09T10:54:00.001-05:00

I mean it. It is surreal.
Today is Josh's last day at JAI. So in some ways it is a day of celebration. Oddly enough, our coworker felt chest pains this morning and was rushed off in an ambulance to a hospital. I have no idea how he is, or if he's okay, but the overall circumstance is strange - and almost too dramatic to be true. Josh and I don't know how to react to it - or if it even truly happened.

Also today I received a package - a little something for my girl. You know what I mean? Its shiny and it is a symbol, and that is all I can say about it right now - except that I am bursting at the seams to shout out my love and commitment to her.

Alltogether the three things make for a strange, beautiful, confusing, and cloudy day.
But the one thing I will take with me is this - love and the future.

beautiful

2007-05-04T09:56:00.001-05:00

It starts...
I love the weather right now. Overcast, somewhat gloomy, a sharp lite cold. Its the sort of weather that warms the cockles of my heart.

Speaking of cockles, last night I warmed the inner workings of my stomach with two-hearted ale and Unibroue. Very tasty! A refreshed thanks to John and Jeff!

Alot of things are happening right now, so listen up! I am getting a new job - the ball is rolling and my last day is in a week or so.
I will be touring the Southwest soon - I am looking forward to sun and a supine position!
Finally, very soon I will be enjoying a rock and/ or roll concert - robert randolph and ziggy marley (ziggy is more roll than rock, I presume) I don't necessarily follow the musical aspirations of either, but nonetheless I am enamored with the prospect of being outside, in the rain, probably full of hearty ale and funny stories from my single friends, listening to sounds I don't really know and thinking about things I am ABOUT to do. (or about to experience)

Right now my primary thought, as I sit and stare out the window in front of me at the downtown skyline, is the slow and reflective train journey that I will soon be on.
To the fixed rail version of the open road! Ahoj!

overcast and well slept

2007-04-25T08:09:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I like waking up early, listening to the city slowly moving faster. Sometimes I like a long and full night's sleep, complete with smiles and handshakes.
I had strange dreams last night. I have too many thoughts today, too many.
Thought One: I had a nice time with the guys last night, watching baseball, talking about job interviews, generally smiling.
Thought Two: I feel good today, and have another round of professional opportunity discourse.
Thought Three: I'll have a difficult decision to make in about a week. I don't know what to do!
Thought Four: I love days like today. Overcast, a little chilly, but generally nice. The glass on the buildings looks crystal clear, the limestone on the old buildings looks smooth and aged, the brick looks crumbled and a deep red brown.

There you go. I'm listening to Devendra Banhart.
Happiness.

my boyz

2007-04-24T19:16:00.000-05:00

Tonight I am going to the downtown Peanut with Colin & Scott. I look forward to just kickin' it, so to speak, and having some down time.
I love that they have moved downtown - there is still so much promise in the air.
Oh, and I have another "meeting" tomorrow.

More later, I'm going to be late...

Just ask

2007-04-12T12:59:00.000-05:00

good afternoon.
it is 1pm, exactly, on thursday april 12th, 2007.
I have just eaten lunch. A sandwich and pasta salad at the Cashew.
My girlfriend was there. She is beautiful.

I bought new shoes...

2007-04-10T10:42:00.000-05:00

I told you!
I like my new shoes very much, but I will not be wearing them very regularly. That is the way of it, I suppose.
Today, another "meeting" of the professional type.

Our show last night was pretty successful - a good crowd for a monday, and the music was allright. Some of our friends came, and some people we don't know were there as well. A great energy was there. I never would have guessed that we would be the regular monday night DJ act at JP wine bar, but it is what it is. Of course I'm dragging a bit today. I keep thinking a little food would go a long way.

One other things - the slacks I'm wearing right now are very comfortable. I would like to wear them every day, but they are my only pair. To more and better clothes!
My eyes are open!
And I'm listening to Prince....

excitement on a thursday

2007-04-05T10:10:00.000-05:00

ok, its like this-

Spring is here, but on hiatus. The green grass DOES fool me, Wilson Pickett. It fools me into believing it is warm outside (or at least cool) In fact it is cold. But that won't stop me.
Recently I have been hunting high and low for a new professional experience. Maybe not high and low, but at least straight-away. There are many opportunities out there and only recently am I mobilizing to seize them - or at least to examine them. In this sudden burst (lightning, so to speak) of productive self reflection I have created a synopsis of my professional life, a sort of "resume". Along with this I have produced (or am in the process of producing) a simple graphic summary of things I have worked on or thought about. It is invigorating, and confidence building.
Now it is time to implement these things outwardly. The surest sign of a change would be to publicize it, to let it overtake me outwardly.
So, to that, I'm going to buy some new shoes!

Other developments:
-Kickball starts today. I can't go, but I will be playing alot down the way.
-I bought a cheap and somewhat unexciting suit from Harold Penner's. HA!
-And some other stuff. Mainly, I need to get more sleep. Who would have thought a skylight and heavy rain would equal no sleep for me?